Toilet humour

Not neccesarily the most appropriate topic but who would have thought dropping the kids of at the pool would have been such a minefield.
Best case scenario there is a porcelain throne in a cubicle with toilet roll of a reasonable thickness within easy reach. Unfortunately most of the time this is not the case.
For starters usually the bog roll is usually either on the outside wall of the toilet room or near the sink and you have to estimate how much you need prior to starting your business. Not such a big deal but if you forget you're up shit creek, quite literally and no-one can even understand you to pass you some. It's also a pain rationing if you underestimated or were taken by surprise.
Another issue is the toilet itself, usually it's a hole in the ground and as far as I'm aware you're not supposed to flush toilet roll (I do, uumm). This means you are usually hovering with your face uncomfortably close to your own jobbie, next to a pile of other peoples used toilet roll. This also means if you do flush you risk flooding the bathroom do to the fantastic plumbing system and having to move quick enough to exit nonchalantly making 'what idiot flushed?' faces. Even if there is a 'Japanese' style toilet it has a million buttons and usually a heated seat. It took me about three goes to work out how to flush them without shooting water at myself as they resemble a small time machine.
Another pleasant attribute is that there aren't locks on the doors. This means people check whether the bog is occupied by knocking. The correct response is to knock back, not shriek, lose concentration and wee on your foot. Children don't seem to have the grasp of this yet though and tend to just barge in while you're squatting on the floor. because of this I tend to cling on to the door handle, keep my feet as far away from the precipice as possible and speed wee. It's a talent I assume most foreign people aquire fairly quickly in Korea.